If an alchemist from half a millenia ago would have seen the work of todays chemists – they would have lost their mind. There is some quote that keeps on being repeated, about modern science / technology being indistinguishable from magic. But, as we all know – science is not magic.

What appears as supernatural only depend on how wide your conception of the natural is, which is an undecided process of enquiry and debate. I am not really in favor of strict scientific naturalism in the form of philosophy only being allowed to posit the existence of entities which are compatible with modern science, but at the same time: Superstitous beliefs should not be apart of philosophy – and when they are, a philosopher becomes indistinguishable from a priest. This must be rejected.

However, as someone who has never been into chemistry, film photography can in practice appear quite supernatural at times. It could be described as conjuring pasts by means of alchemical ritual.

I know there is not really any true difference between film or digital photography – both have their delays (no photography is instantenous) – but with film this gap becomes apparent. Especially to me, since I ended up shooting a ton of rolls of film without developing nor marking them. This has led to my trips to the darkroom ending up with me getting collections of photographs from years back, with pictures of places I no longer live, and of faces I no longer see. Usually it takes the form of hauntings, instead of pleasant memories.

The process, then, has become more like summoning temporal demons to bring back pasts and hoping for the best, instead of just another step in the process of recording events.

This above photograph was shot in a place I lived in 2018, a year spent in a downward spiral, in codependency and (re(re(re)))traumatization. The photograph was developed afterwards, in 2019, during recovery. I still develop rolls of film that end up being pictures from that time, and I always set fire to the negatives that include faces and similar, until there is nothing left. Soon there will be no more hauntings from that time. Hopefully.

This above image is actually from sometime of the beginning of the 00’s, taken by either of my parents. When I found an old camera hidden away in a box at my mothers place in 2017, it turned out there was an undeveloped roll of film in the camera. Since it was something I noticed by opening the back of the camera, most of the roll was badly damaged by the exposure of light – but a few of the images survived (sort of). Either way, I like the fact that they were damaged. Conjuring pasts always bring distortions with it. It also slightly reminds me of the cover art for the single Paradise Valley by Grouper.

The roll turned out to be images from a vacation we went on to Stora Karlsö – a small island off the coast of Gotland.

This image was taken on a cross-country roadtrip with a friend in April of last year. This specific image was taken in the Alps, in Switzerland. We were probably listening to some black/folk metal (I don’t remember the name of the band), or Mount Eerie, when this image was taken. I developed it this month, almost exactly a year later. It is a good memory. I haven’t talked to the friend I went on this trip with for months.

I have more images of mountains from the same roll of film, in a post on instagram.

This image was developed in 2019, and I am not sure when it was taken, but not later than first half of 2018. The location, however, is Universitetsbiblioteket in Lund. I like the very gothic almost lovecraftianesque vibes. I think it being severely underexposed, and damaged in development, is to its advantage.

I did not really feel at home in Lund, but it was more due to me being unsure of how to live my life, more than anything being wrong with the place, really. It reminds me of how much moving across a country gives you a chance to ”reinvent” yourself.

Or – it is not really even a choice – your whole context changing will always lead to you being torn into a new shape. For that specific time, it happened to be mostly to my advantage.

I still have about 8 undeveloped rolls of film, which I have no clue as to what they contain. It is with a great nervousness, but also excitement, that I am opening these gates. And for every haunting, one less remain – as long as I make good decisions here and now. As always, remember: Amor Fati.